Walls

I am trapped behind these walls in a world where things aren’t really what we know them to be. Things I’m taught to be true aren’t always true. I’m learning that the world is not how they said it would be. I am constantly confused by this world and the emotions that I feel. I’m not the easiest person to get through to. I would say that it comes from the years of not being able to trust anyone. The places that I’ve been nobody wants to see. That is why I run alone on this road called life and carry my burdens alone in spite. I’ve always been alone, felt alone and then you come along and you want me to stop this race and walk beside you. I could never give my all to you, because that would involve trust which is something I can’t do. Well I won’t say I can’t but it’s just so hard for me to do! I’ve been through so much before and I don’t want to get hurt again! So I keep all my feelings inside and hide the way I really feel. Now I’m by no means perfect and I don’t claim to be, I have made many mistakes. I don’t want to end up looking like a fool so I do what I do, act cold and hard to keep you and my heart far apart. I want to let go, but I’m afraid I’ll lose control. So if I let go will you catch me when I fall? Or will you do nothing at all. Hell I’m so confused I don’t know what I want or what to do. I’m always thinking and second guessing myself…and u! I’ve been waiting for so long for someone to come along and now I feel like I’m going to mess things up. I can’t help how I feel. I try and I try to get these thoughts out of my mind but they are only suppressed and end up resurfacing eventually. I know it’s not your fault but you have to understand that I am a product of my environment and I only know what I’ve been through. I get irritated easily and sometimes I don’t know why. Can you handle that? Sometimes I try to push you away just to see if you’ll stay. I wonder if you feel like I’m worth it all. Someone said that we build up our walls to see who’s willing to knock them down. Here is my wall….What’s your move?